i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
