god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
