no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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