You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
