I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
