just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
