allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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