This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
