Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
