Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
