Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
