I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
