hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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