My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
