dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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