just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't think brook has ever known best
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
