we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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