I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
