I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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