I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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