He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
