I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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