Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
