How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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