I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
