No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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