TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
