He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
