We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
did you just send me my own nude
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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