i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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