i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
