if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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