this beer tastes like vomit already
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
