booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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