Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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