it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
