its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
