so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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