so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
