Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
