Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
