Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
