maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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