u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
