i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
