True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
