girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
