Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
