I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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