I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize