Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize