3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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