i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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