i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
