Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
