these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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