Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
