i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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