This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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