I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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