my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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