Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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