Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
