Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
