Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
