Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
