Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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