I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
