i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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