I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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