The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
