Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
40s are totally the cure
MIDGETS
????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
