Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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