loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
