Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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