Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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